15 Nov Do you give your power away?
Do you wonder sometimes why do you feel tired when spending time with others and other time you go away energised from the meeting? Do you rationalise this, telling yourself that you perhaps didn’t get enough sleep or that you are being in top form?
You might already know that we do get affected by the people we meet and the closer they are to us, the higher energetical impact they cause. It is actually quite simple to determine who is energetically compatible and uplifting and who is a challenge to your system..
You know the people who feed your soul because you feel good after spending time with them. You also know people who do not feed your soul. You feel drained after spending time with them. We must choose people who we want to spend time with. Creating, purposefully, an inner circle of trusted family and friends.
When you take care of yourself, you are also taking care of others. Often the most loving thing you can do is to disconnect from non-functioning relationship dynamics. Love is not self-sacrifice. Love is not turning a blind eye to the truth and hanging around for more of the lie. Love is truth and honesty. If people around you don’t treat you with respect, they don’t deserve you in the first place and you are better off without them.
We need to set healthy boundaries and we can do this by looking honestly at our own needs, assessing to what extent we are honouring them and to what extent we are letting others take over our personal power.
When we don’t understand other people’s behaviour, sometimes we look down on them or judge them, yet by doing this we give them power over us because we are consumed and upset with how wrong they are. If you can stay in your own non-judgmental, loving energy, you can influence them this way if you wish to, but they cannot influence you.
When you rely on any one thing or person for your sense of self-esteem, self-image and self-worth, whether it be sexual (or any other) validation, the ability to achieve success, provide money or any other obsession, you internally hold onto the fear of losing that ability or appearance because it has been elevated beyond normal importance. That fear eventually creates a breakdown in some form or other, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.
The answer is to clear the pictures, change the behaviours and develop a sense of worth based on your real sense of integrity and simply living as the beautiful being that you are. It does sound easy yet, more often than not, it is a very difficult thing to do. It can take years of self-discovery, of finding your true core values, likes and purpose.
Checklist for healthy beliefs and behaviours in relationships:
- You control your emotions, they don’t control you.
- You hold people accountable for their behaviour.
- Your value doesn’t change based on someone’s ability to see it – it is a constant determined by you.
- Your decisions are based on what you need and want at any given moment.
- You recognise instantly when your needs are not being met in a relationship and you take action.
- You know that you are a fully autonomous being – separate from your partner and everyone else. You have your own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
- You trust your instincts. You trust your own analysis and conclusions.
- You own your power and never surrender it.
- In the end, the only person you have to please is yourself.
- You hold fast to your boundaries.
- You don’t fix or try to control others.
- Your best interests are always at the forefront of your decision making.
- The more others reject you the less you want them (not the opposite).
- You like people who like you.
- You don’t become so ensnared in a relationship that you can’t tell where you end and begin. You can love others and still maintain your own identity.
- You know that your partner’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs do not carry more weight or have more value than your own.
- You don’t play games, and you don’t manipulate others to get what you want.
Note: To integrate these beliefs and behaviours can be a lifelong task so don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t match some or many of them. Take them as guidance towards what you could practice.
When did you feel disempowered lately, with whom and under what circumstances? Do you see a pattern here? Did you allow it to happen? Where could you have set limits?
- Write a list of people you are close to, people who mean something to you in any way.
- At each person write plus (+) or minus (-) or neutral (0) corresponding to the energy level you are at most of the time you are with that person. Plus stands for a good feeling and elevated energy, minus stands for low or decreasing energy, and neutral stands for the same level of energy as the one you had before the meeting.
- Look at the minuses and quieten your mind. Ask your intuition to reveal to you whether you want this person in your life and if you are prepared to change the dynamics in some way, if possible, or if you would actually rather stop having contact with them.
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Author: Emilie Janda